I Love You... And there ain't nothin you can do about it!

A lot has occurred the past couple of weeks in our lives and this post was missed in getting posted... Love you Mandy :)


We all have our journey's in life. We don't have a choice in the circumstance we are born into. In some regards, we don't really have a choice in our learnt behavior as children. But there comes a time in life when we do get to choose how we respond... We do get to choose what vices we turn to, how long or hard we run, and what methods of manipulation we use to cover our tracks. Christian or not, we're all human and we all do it in one way or another.

We also get to choose when enough has become enough and we allow ourselves the freedom to forgive ourselves, forgive others and move on in life in a healthy approach to reconciliation.

This journey however takes some people longer than others...

This journey is not one that is easy when our entire societal world view is one that nearly condemns healthy, nurturing relationships with boundary's and respect because it's all about "ME"...

Don't get me wrong, I don't think selfishness is anything new to this world... Started in Genesis and is vibrant in our lives today. 

My sister and I just spent two weeks together while I was home. Two weeks without an argument, emotional break down over the past, really without much of a disagreement that wasn't able to be managed by agreeing to disagree because we love each other more than the hurt we have caused each other...

This is huge for us.

It has been years, literally years, since we've gone 24 hours without cause for disagreement. You know why, because of selfishness. I disagreed with her life choices and I pushed and pushed and pushed for her to see the error of her ways. Were some of her choices damaging, yes and I was scared for her at times and so in my head and with the help of twisting my faith to justify, I just "knew" I was right in my thoughts and actions.

How my pride got in the way of loving her through the way she has experienced life. It's amazing to me how the same home that sheltered us grew completely different people... Maybe some of it was self inflicted but who doesn't have pain in their lives caused my their own hands?

It's amazing to me the difference in our relationship as I've begun to love her where she is at. It's amazing to me the changes I see as we both own our choices in life. We are not on the same page in a lot of ways right now, especially with regards to our faith but that's not my job to ridicule and judge the work of One that is not mine to fulfill as I find ways to make her feel condemned.

It doesn't matter how far she has run or how long it was those years we didn't speak; just because I was in one place for that time with the perception of my life being put together doesn't make my journey less travelled... I love her. I choose to love her and make that love known to her.

She is my sister. and there is nothing she can do about it!


Is there someone in your life that you need to grab my the arms, look into their eyes and tell them "I love you, and there ain't nothing you can do about it!"  .... ?

Waiting for the morning...

It's amazing to me how long these northern Alberta nights are. I was out driving last night just spending some much needed time with the Lord and it was so light, so late. 11:45pm and there was still a stripe of pink across that horizon above the hills and trees.

It really is beautiful up here. Absolutely beautiful. And there are even a few lakes. Still not quite like the lakes I swam in as a child but they are there for me to enjoy. The trees and hills and herds of animals everywhere!

Even in the city itself, I'm amazed as I venture out how many parks surround. Manicured beautifully for residents to enjoy. Bored people are boring people I heard once and here, as long as you don't mind your walking shoes there seems to be endless opportunity to enjoy life.

My job is going well. Part time with funny gals to share the few hours a week preparing orders for weddings and other parties. I'm still waiting for my Lia Sophia business to take off up here so I keep my nose to the ground and work hard to promote.

I keep waiting for the morning though...
I've been promised that it will bring Joy...

It's hard to wait out the storms of life. You see I'm not a very patient person it seems. Always thought I was but it's lessened a great deal these past couple years. As beautiful as that glowing pink I see spanning the sky when I should be sleeping I can't help but be thankful for it's beauty while being reminded that the nights can be long sometimes.

I long for the morning, the dawn that brings the joy of the Lord. I know it will come. I have seen the promises of our God over and over so I choose to tell that creeping doubt where to go in Jesus Name!

Resting in His arms, taking one moment at a time, I trust in His promises for us here in this new town He led us too.

Dear Mama...

There are times in life when I am far away from the only one on this earth who truly can say she loved me from the beginning of my being... The one who gave so much of herself to give life to us four. In those times God gives us surrogates in a way. Mother figures that come in various forms.

I am so grateful for my Mama but also for these other women in my life.  All women who have loved me, challenged me, listened to me, laughed with me, cried for me, sought after God along side of me... Each holds her own portion of this heart I've been given and as I reflect today on their examples I know I am blessed to have the love of each one and to have the opportunity to love in return.

To the one who gave of herself to give life to me...


I love you Mom...

I am so thankful for you in my life and couldn't ask for a better example of generous love than that which you show me! Your strength is an inspiration and although I recognise that you are down on yourself more often than not, your courage to do right by your flesh and blood is more than any child could desire.

Mom, we've walked some very hard roads together. Ones where we disagreed. Ones where I hurt you and you hurt me. You know what though, I am thankful because of the beautiful scenes that followed these hard times. Some trails shorter than others but you've been there. I couldn't ask for more than for you to just have been there.

I couldn't be more proud than to watch you allow the Holy Spirit do His work in your life as you seek after His will for you and for us, your forever babes. Thank you for being God's vessel in our lives and for teaching us of His love as best you could, in the ways you understood. Thank you for being gracious even when this cheeky young woman was anything but. Thank you for being you and only you!!! I wouldn't change a thing!

In the words of my favourite story by Robert Munsch...


"I'll love you forever,

       I'll like you for always,

           As long as I'm living my mommy you'll be."     

Proverbs 31

 

Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
²⁷ She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed   

                                                                      

When it's all said and done...

When it's all said and done... you can't get it back.

Time that is.

There is no rewind, no instant replay, no editing program perfected enough to change what is.

Sometimes however, I'm okay with that.

I'm okay with the peaceful and flirty and in-awe moments that are spent driving on the side roads through this beautiful province and into the next with the one man I wouldn't trade for anything.

I'm okay with the cherished memories that fill my heart over the holidays spent with loved ones far away.

I quite enjoy the teasing and laughing.

The smell of wood fired burning in the hearth and turkeys roasting in the oven.

The flavors of sweet and savoury that are more abundant that we really need in a lifetime.

The sounds of carols sung, the noise of those snow machines, the joyous melodies of the endless amounts of family running around...

The cold mountain air as we wander the streets, the freezing wet snow on my cheek from my niece and nephews delight.

I never want to change the feeling of those frail hands that are wearied from life which still cling heartily to mine as my beloved and I sing of that Silent Night long ago. Her eyes hold steadfast to my gaze and it takes all within me to not blink and break the moment.

For all the money in the world, I wouldn't give up a moment held in the arms of my Mama who was far from perfect and yet is forgiven just the same as me. My best friend then and in my heart forever.

I cling to the words "I love you" from my Dad that I longed to hear those few times a year that I was able to spend time with him in my growing up days. How I needed him then and still now. Some things just don't change.

When it is all said and done... the hard and brokenness of this year seems futile as he and I rediscover the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father. "Do you trust me?" He has asked us repeatedly over the past few months...

How can we not? We have both said we believe and we continue to choose to believe that He who gave us His Son to be born in the filth of humanity is who He Say's He is in His word. He has proven Himself over and over when we don't deserve proof in the first place.

When it's all said and done in this season of celebration, worship to the One True God and preparation for a new year, we choose to cherish moments, reflect and grow from others and leave the rest at the foot of the Cross with the One who knows. We trust Him who is faithful and pray for the boldness in this New Year to honor Him in everything we do.

Happy New Year friends and family... May the Lord bless you and keep you always, revealing Himself to you in the way each of you needs!

 

 

Isaiah 43

But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob,

And He who formed you, O Israel,
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.

“For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I have given Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your place.

“Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love you,
I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life.

“Do not fear, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
And gather you from the west.

“I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
And to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring My sons from afar
And My daughters from the ends of the earth,
Everyone who is called by My name,
And whom I have created for My glory,
in the wilderness

And rivers in the desert,

To give drink to My chosen people.

“The people whom I formed for Myself

Will declare My praise.

Once upon a "Silent Night"...

Today is already December 3rd  13th now, which totally trampled my heartfelt intention of posting each day this month, something that inspires me to anticipate in a new way the birthday of our Savior.

The bad news is that this month of December (well, really the last week of November on) is the most ridiculous time of year for any musician or lover of the arts as there is SO much to fill our schedules.

If it's not teaching, it's my not-by-my-choice-soon-to-be-over cleaning job. If it's not that, it's rehearsals. If not rehearsals, it's extra rehearsals or last minute sectionals, or planning for final recitals or preparing for student juries or production planning or performances for the first production I am involved in with the THAA. And then it's more and more and more for the second production which is this coming was this past weekend for Prairie... did I mention rehearsals and more mopping of floors and additional preparations?

Once in a while, if my dear husband is so lucky, I will have time to make a meal or spot clean our own home. Thank you for being so patient with your crazy and passionate artist wife and even blessing me by doing the dishes once in a while :)

What can I say? I take pride in what I do. I may be poor in monetary gain for my work but goodness knows that for an artist, it's so much more.

If I wanted to make my millions I would have continued down my initial thoughts of a career choice in the medical field. Thank God I couldn't manage to grasp the concepts of Math no matter how many days a week I went in for help in high school. I never would have imagine then, how deeply in love I would fall with my music and teaching.

I don't wave my hands in front of all 27 of them expecting perfection. 95% of them don't even read music. And yet, when it's all sung and lights come back on bright and they say to me "Teacher, I messed up here and there"... I can honestly say, "I didn't even hear it" because the excitement on their faces and the glorious efforts that they have put forth to learn what they have been gifted to do are more important to me than being the best.

And this year, Prairies 69th Annual Christmas Music Night titled "Silent Night", that those three and I talked about and planned as they learn under my often failing wing, was the most beautiful and perfect program that they could have given me. I am humbled and inspired. 

Thank you to my dear students who love to learn and inspire me to create! Merry Christmas and enjoy your time off because January is going to be CRAZY with LOTS of new music :)

PBI Choir 2012/2013. A new generation posed on the foundation of the old Prairie Tabernacle. 

Dear Tania...

Dear Tania, 

This past week we spent our birthdays apart for the first time in a long time... I miss you and am grateful for the lovely gift of men called Skype :) 

I know this year has been a great struggle for you, as was the last and maybe the few before that. I want you to know that you are inspiring to those of us to have taken the time to get to know the genuine God fearing you. He truly has brought you out of the mire and is molding you to be such a passionately merciful human. You love deeply, fight hard for those you love, and you never give up on people!

We haven't always seen eye to eye but we are better people because of it. As iron sharpens iron in a painfully heated way sometimes, God has used you in my life to challenge me, love me when I didn't deserve and laugh with me when I needed it most. 

You are more than my friend Tania. You truly are my sister brought into the same family by the Blood of Him who loves us unconditionally. 

Right now, an ocean apart, with my mornings as your nights, I trust Gods promise of provision for you. That He will bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you giving you peace. Happy Birthday Tania... I can't wait to hear of all your adventures that this year has to bring you! I love you... (And of course Bradley say's hello)

In my 28th year...

In my 28th year, I've experienced a lot of beauty throughout the thorns of life...

Amid the deep grief of loosing what we excitedly thought we were going to be blessed with, I treasured my first wedding anniversary with my best friend. After a year filled with turmoil out of our control we knew we had each other because of His grace in our lives.

I shared incredibly sacred moments with my beloved as I met my beautiful step children Avery and Seth for the first time.

I have had the privilege of teaching numerous young people in my studio and even greater the opportunity to speak into life experiences with them as they find a safe place within the walls where we sing.

I have been apart of and directed musical productions, blessed to have opportunity to put into practise my passion: conducting.

I had the opportunity to attend my very first orchestral performance in Calgary with co-workers and students.

 

I have spent days in the majestic mountain range of our country exploring life and creation with loved ones.

I have celebrated with loved ones at the birth of children, parties for the added year each of us has, and honored my husband as he finished up his final studies passing to become a journeyman welder.

Despite the harshness that comes with loosing jobs, miscarriages, shredded relationships, children too far away and finding out who your real friends are, I know God is faithful and just. His will is not to harm His children but to give us hope and a future.

This past weekend, my dear husband surprised me with a trip to Banff where we were able to be inspired by the creation God has given us to enjoy. As Bradley and I drove through snow filled forests, walked along icy river front trails, and sipped on tasty Christmas flavored coffees to warm our hands, I was reminded this weekend how great His love is for  us in that He gave us even the most simple things to find joy in.

I am inspired.

I long to continue to be inspired in this next year. Looking to Him, who has made every good and perfect gift, for that inspiration in all aspects of my life.