My little Kidney Bean...

Today, 2 years ago today, we let the wonderful world of Facebook in on our teeny, tiny, kidney bean sized little secret... it's quite hard to believe how the time has passed so quickly!

A baby was something I'd dreamed about, longed for, wanted so desperately in my life. It's pretty safe to say however, God knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were not ready in those first years. There was to much hard. We were to hard. Even after trying hard at life and loosing more battles than won and learning to wait however impatiently, that year of being pregnant was still So. Very. Hard.

We've encountered and experienced and incredible amount of strive in those first years. Much self inflicted as most of humanity seems to do. But also a horrific amount saddled on our emotions from the outside. God knew that in and through and on this side of things, that it was okay. That even though there was and still is much to slug through, we know, God knows, that our desire is for peace in our home, reconciliation with those we love and to see that above all, God is honored in this life he's given us.

It's been quite a journey thus far. That little kidney bean that was fearfully and wonderfully knit together in the dark of me, is nothing shy of a miracle for us. Dustin James Bradley... An abundance of joy, it's been an incredible experience being able to love him.

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW.
PRAISE HIM ALL CREATURES HERE BELOW.
PRAISE HIM ABOVE YE HEAVENLY HOSTS.
PRAISE FATHER, SON, AND HOLY GHOST.
AMEN!

For I know who I have believed...

In preparing for our Choir concerts which are one week from today, my heart is torn in so many emotions. "Wondrous Love"... will likely be my last musical ministry event on the campus of Prairie Bible Institute.

This place that I came to really know who God is and who I am being molded to be by His hands has been a place that has caused great joy, peace, brokenness (good and bad), healing, and so much more. I never imagined that when I arrived on this campus 11 years ago, I would be leaving with such mixed emotion.

I've moved 17 times in 11 years and no move has been filled with more exhaustive emotions as this one and it's all I can do to stay focused on the tasks at hand... The majority of the moving is done, Bradley has passed with flying colours his testing for his new position, the end of the school year is upon us and in 22 days I will be able to sleep in my own bed with my best friend at my side once again...

I am grieving dreams of arts and ministry and the beautiful relationships with "my kids" (my students). I am terrified of the unknown. I am thrilled to be rid of the horrible gossip that comes with a small town full of people with not enough to do. I am excited to finally have the chance to live life with my husband after months of being apart. I am scared at the same time to fail miserably as his wife and best friend as we start a fresh in that rented out humble home that is exactly all we need.

Despite my under normal circumstances secure and confident person, I am human and fall privy to the untruths that life and brokenness have thrown our way. I've spent the past while speaking to "my kids" about this Wondrous Love of the God we serve. How many times have I said to them that just as God leads us away from my position teaching them, He has great plans that are not all about me.

They are watching, they see what is being said and how we are being treated. They are wise. Young but their eyes are not blind. They have been to me Gods Hands and Feet as they see the truth of who God has created Bradley and I to be. By His Grace and His grace alone.

They have loved us, worked hard to fulfil the dreams of keeping music and arts alive on the campus under my direction, and I know they are praying for God to bring them someone who is hopefully even more crazy passionate about them first and the program second than I am.

So tonight as I struggle with high emotions caused by stresses that I have no power over, I turn to "my" passage of Scripture... The one I have turned to for years when I need to be reminded of His great love for me...

I know who I have believed and as I prepare to join my husband I know we have waited, prayed and are following His leading with our heads high and our knees bent before the One who is Love!




Romans 8
(biblegateway.com NKJV)

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. ² For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. ³ For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, ⁴ that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. ⁵ For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. ⁶ For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. ⁷ Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. ⁸ So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

⁹ But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. ¹⁰ And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. ¹¹ But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.

Sonship Through the Spirit

¹² Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. ¹³ For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 

 ¹⁴ For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. ¹⁵ For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, ¹⁷ and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.

From Suffering to Glory

¹⁸ For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. ¹⁹ For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. ²⁰ For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; ²¹ because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. ²² For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. ²³ Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. ²⁴ For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

²⁶ Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us^[b] with groanings which cannot be uttered. ²⁷ Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ²⁹ For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. ³⁰ Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.

God’s Everlasting Love

³¹ What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? 

³³ Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 

³⁴ Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. 

³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”^[c]

³⁷ Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

When it's all said and done...

When it's all said and done... you can't get it back.

Time that is.

There is no rewind, no instant replay, no editing program perfected enough to change what is.

Sometimes however, I'm okay with that.

I'm okay with the peaceful and flirty and in-awe moments that are spent driving on the side roads through this beautiful province and into the next with the one man I wouldn't trade for anything.

I'm okay with the cherished memories that fill my heart over the holidays spent with loved ones far away.

I quite enjoy the teasing and laughing.

The smell of wood fired burning in the hearth and turkeys roasting in the oven.

The flavors of sweet and savoury that are more abundant that we really need in a lifetime.

The sounds of carols sung, the noise of those snow machines, the joyous melodies of the endless amounts of family running around...

The cold mountain air as we wander the streets, the freezing wet snow on my cheek from my niece and nephews delight.

I never want to change the feeling of those frail hands that are wearied from life which still cling heartily to mine as my beloved and I sing of that Silent Night long ago. Her eyes hold steadfast to my gaze and it takes all within me to not blink and break the moment.

For all the money in the world, I wouldn't give up a moment held in the arms of my Mama who was far from perfect and yet is forgiven just the same as me. My best friend then and in my heart forever.

I cling to the words "I love you" from my Dad that I longed to hear those few times a year that I was able to spend time with him in my growing up days. How I needed him then and still now. Some things just don't change.

When it is all said and done... the hard and brokenness of this year seems futile as he and I rediscover the faithfulness of our Heavenly Father. "Do you trust me?" He has asked us repeatedly over the past few months...

How can we not? We have both said we believe and we continue to choose to believe that He who gave us His Son to be born in the filth of humanity is who He Say's He is in His word. He has proven Himself over and over when we don't deserve proof in the first place.

When it's all said and done in this season of celebration, worship to the One True God and preparation for a new year, we choose to cherish moments, reflect and grow from others and leave the rest at the foot of the Cross with the One who knows. We trust Him who is faithful and pray for the boldness in this New Year to honor Him in everything we do.

Happy New Year friends and family... May the Lord bless you and keep you always, revealing Himself to you in the way each of you needs!

 

 

Isaiah 43

But now, thus says the Lord, your Creator, O Jacob,

And He who formed you, O Israel,
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have called you by name; you are Mine!

“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you;
And through the rivers, they will not overflow you.
When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched,
Nor will the flame burn you.

“For I am the Lord your God,
The Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
I have given Egypt as your ransom,
Cush and Seba in your place.

“Since you are precious in My sight,
Since you are honored and I love you,
I will give other men in your place and other peoples in exchange for your life.

“Do not fear, for I am with you;
I will bring your offspring from the east,
And gather you from the west.

“I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’
And to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’
Bring My sons from afar
And My daughters from the ends of the earth,
Everyone who is called by My name,
And whom I have created for My glory,
in the wilderness

And rivers in the desert,

To give drink to My chosen people.

“The people whom I formed for Myself

Will declare My praise.

In my 28th year...

In my 28th year, I've experienced a lot of beauty throughout the thorns of life...

Amid the deep grief of loosing what we excitedly thought we were going to be blessed with, I treasured my first wedding anniversary with my best friend. After a year filled with turmoil out of our control we knew we had each other because of His grace in our lives.

I shared incredibly sacred moments with my beloved as I met my beautiful step children Avery and Seth for the first time.

I have had the privilege of teaching numerous young people in my studio and even greater the opportunity to speak into life experiences with them as they find a safe place within the walls where we sing.

I have been apart of and directed musical productions, blessed to have opportunity to put into practise my passion: conducting.

I had the opportunity to attend my very first orchestral performance in Calgary with co-workers and students.

 

I have spent days in the majestic mountain range of our country exploring life and creation with loved ones.

I have celebrated with loved ones at the birth of children, parties for the added year each of us has, and honored my husband as he finished up his final studies passing to become a journeyman welder.

Despite the harshness that comes with loosing jobs, miscarriages, shredded relationships, children too far away and finding out who your real friends are, I know God is faithful and just. His will is not to harm His children but to give us hope and a future.

This past weekend, my dear husband surprised me with a trip to Banff where we were able to be inspired by the creation God has given us to enjoy. As Bradley and I drove through snow filled forests, walked along icy river front trails, and sipped on tasty Christmas flavored coffees to warm our hands, I was reminded this weekend how great His love is for  us in that He gave us even the most simple things to find joy in.

I am inspired.

I long to continue to be inspired in this next year. Looking to Him, who has made every good and perfect gift, for that inspiration in all aspects of my life.

Psalm 2...

Psalm 2 (NASB)

 Why are the nations in an uproar
And the peoples devising a vain thing?
² The kings of the earth take their stand
And the rulers take counsel together
Against the Lord and against His Anointed, saying,
³ “Let us tear their fetters apart
And cast away their cords from us!”

⁴ He who sits in the heavens laughs,
The Lord scoffs at them.
⁵ Then He will speak to them in His anger
And terrify them in His fury, saying,
⁶ “But as for Me, I have installed My King
Upon Zion, My holy mountain.”

⁷ “I will surely tell of the decree of the Lord:
He said to Me, ‘You are My Son,
Today I have begotten You.
⁸ ‘Ask of Me, and I will surely give the nations as Your inheritance,
And the very ends of the earth as Your possession.
⁹ ‘You shall break them with a rod of iron,
You shall shatter them like earthenware.’”

¹⁰ Now therefore, O kings, show discernment;

Take warning, O judges of the earth.

¹¹ Worship the Lord with reverence

And rejoice with trembling.

¹² Do homage to the Son, that He not become angry, and you perish in the way,

For His wrath may soon be kindled.

How blessed are all who take refuge in Him!