My little Kidney Bean...

Today, 2 years ago today, we let the wonderful world of Facebook in on our teeny, tiny, kidney bean sized little secret... it's quite hard to believe how the time has passed so quickly!

A baby was something I'd dreamed about, longed for, wanted so desperately in my life. It's pretty safe to say however, God knew beyond a shadow of a doubt that we were not ready in those first years. There was to much hard. We were to hard. Even after trying hard at life and loosing more battles than won and learning to wait however impatiently, that year of being pregnant was still So. Very. Hard.

We've encountered and experienced and incredible amount of strive in those first years. Much self inflicted as most of humanity seems to do. But also a horrific amount saddled on our emotions from the outside. God knew that in and through and on this side of things, that it was okay. That even though there was and still is much to slug through, we know, God knows, that our desire is for peace in our home, reconciliation with those we love and to see that above all, God is honored in this life he's given us.

It's been quite a journey thus far. That little kidney bean that was fearfully and wonderfully knit together in the dark of me, is nothing shy of a miracle for us. Dustin James Bradley... An abundance of joy, it's been an incredible experience being able to love him.

PRAISE GOD FROM WHOM ALL BLESSINGS FLOW.
PRAISE HIM ALL CREATURES HERE BELOW.
PRAISE HIM ABOVE YE HEAVENLY HOSTS.
PRAISE FATHER, SON, AND HOLY GHOST.
AMEN!

The other side of winter...

Again it's been a while... a long while. I feel that is how I start most journal entries or blog posts as of late... These pages have been silent for many reasons and for reasons that will remain within the safety of my home...

It seems that the brutality that bares it's teeth through the bitter cold winter months has been the escence of our life. Changes that we had our hopes set to bring great joy and renewal instead tried to tear us apart... Heart ache, exhaughstion, unpaid work, multiple job changes, death of loved ones, unresolved relationships that still weigh heavy on our hearts, and what we thought was the end of us.

2013.

A year that we are glad is over.

2014.

A year of many ups and downs that I simply couldn't find it in me to write about.

This year, on this side of winter, as the piles of snow that were higher than our vehicle melt into the ground and bring moisture to our air, we breath.

One
breath
at
a
time

It's barely what we can manage at this point. But it's all we are asked of, isn't it? One day at a time. Not worried about tomorrow?

On this side of winter I feel like I feel again. Sometimes it's not wanted. Sometimes, in those bitter cold moments that cut through on an off day as the world comes back to life, I just want to give into the frozen again. It seems easier to live in the numb. In the dark. Ignore the sun and it's warmth as it works brilliantly to bring life into the seemingly dead world.

On this side of winter it's a lot of work. A lot of energy for the buds to give way in order to allow for the beauty that longs to be free. But it is worth is, isn't it?

All the time. Energy. Dedication of the One who cultivates. In order to restore things to the state of life that the Creator created life to be?

On this side of winter life consists of a balancing act working toward growth and beauty. Learning to love, forgive and live this life in a way that is above all honoring to the One who's opinion matters most. 

Things are far from perfect on this side of winter but our God is faithful. Providing for our needs of each day. No more, no less.

I am back.
I am going to try to be back anyhow.
Because God is greater than the dark times and its His Love for us and His work in us that we want to share...

The end of the second...

You always hear that the first of year of marriage is always the hardest... It was a doozie but the second was more than a little trying in itself. The truth is, life with people is never easy. Life trying to meet the needs of relationships is "hard work". I laugh at that because it seems that those two words don't do justice to realistic depth of energy that actually goes into it!

It's so easy to put one selfish decision after another creating a web of distraction and destruction. It's so easy to let one hurtful word lead to another and another tearing at the core of the one you've promised to protect with every ounce of your being. It's so very easy to loose sight of why you married each other when we get focused on our own ambitions instead of choosing to see the needs of our partners.

I love my husband.

I know that he loves me.

It isn't perfect. There is much work to be done to heal what's been done and grow into what we have the potential of being.  It is possible though...

We were created to be in a marriage relationship and we are never given more than we are able to deal with. The trick we are learning is the daily choice that is involved in this process of growth. One choice can be the difference between life and death in a marriage. Daily submission to the beautiful God given boundaries and roles that are given in His Word are crucial to growth. 

The second part is the gift and challenge of forgiveness. Every day, we seem to find things that one or the other or both need to seek, receive or extend forgiveness. Whether we choose to seek, receive or extend - well that's a whole other story. But it is our goal.

So today, as he is miles away working on learning a new aspect of his job and I am here listening to the whirring of the dishwasher trying to drown out the song my student sang as I walked down that isle... as I prepare for him to come home soon, I just wanted to take a minute to reflect about us, about that day and about the work HE is faithfully doing in our lives...

I love you Bradley Greene. I always will...

I Love You... And there ain't nothin you can do about it!

A lot has occurred the past couple of weeks in our lives and this post was missed in getting posted... Love you Mandy :)


We all have our journey's in life. We don't have a choice in the circumstance we are born into. In some regards, we don't really have a choice in our learnt behavior as children. But there comes a time in life when we do get to choose how we respond... We do get to choose what vices we turn to, how long or hard we run, and what methods of manipulation we use to cover our tracks. Christian or not, we're all human and we all do it in one way or another.

We also get to choose when enough has become enough and we allow ourselves the freedom to forgive ourselves, forgive others and move on in life in a healthy approach to reconciliation.

This journey however takes some people longer than others...

This journey is not one that is easy when our entire societal world view is one that nearly condemns healthy, nurturing relationships with boundary's and respect because it's all about "ME"...

Don't get me wrong, I don't think selfishness is anything new to this world... Started in Genesis and is vibrant in our lives today. 

My sister and I just spent two weeks together while I was home. Two weeks without an argument, emotional break down over the past, really without much of a disagreement that wasn't able to be managed by agreeing to disagree because we love each other more than the hurt we have caused each other...

This is huge for us.

It has been years, literally years, since we've gone 24 hours without cause for disagreement. You know why, because of selfishness. I disagreed with her life choices and I pushed and pushed and pushed for her to see the error of her ways. Were some of her choices damaging, yes and I was scared for her at times and so in my head and with the help of twisting my faith to justify, I just "knew" I was right in my thoughts and actions.

How my pride got in the way of loving her through the way she has experienced life. It's amazing to me how the same home that sheltered us grew completely different people... Maybe some of it was self inflicted but who doesn't have pain in their lives caused my their own hands?

It's amazing to me the difference in our relationship as I've begun to love her where she is at. It's amazing to me the changes I see as we both own our choices in life. We are not on the same page in a lot of ways right now, especially with regards to our faith but that's not my job to ridicule and judge the work of One that is not mine to fulfill as I find ways to make her feel condemned.

It doesn't matter how far she has run or how long it was those years we didn't speak; just because I was in one place for that time with the perception of my life being put together doesn't make my journey less travelled... I love her. I choose to love her and make that love known to her.

She is my sister. and there is nothing she can do about it!


Is there someone in your life that you need to grab my the arms, look into their eyes and tell them "I love you, and there ain't nothing you can do about it!"  .... ?

Waiting for the morning...

It's amazing to me how long these northern Alberta nights are. I was out driving last night just spending some much needed time with the Lord and it was so light, so late. 11:45pm and there was still a stripe of pink across that horizon above the hills and trees.

It really is beautiful up here. Absolutely beautiful. And there are even a few lakes. Still not quite like the lakes I swam in as a child but they are there for me to enjoy. The trees and hills and herds of animals everywhere!

Even in the city itself, I'm amazed as I venture out how many parks surround. Manicured beautifully for residents to enjoy. Bored people are boring people I heard once and here, as long as you don't mind your walking shoes there seems to be endless opportunity to enjoy life.

My job is going well. Part time with funny gals to share the few hours a week preparing orders for weddings and other parties. I'm still waiting for my Lia Sophia business to take off up here so I keep my nose to the ground and work hard to promote.

I keep waiting for the morning though...
I've been promised that it will bring Joy...

It's hard to wait out the storms of life. You see I'm not a very patient person it seems. Always thought I was but it's lessened a great deal these past couple years. As beautiful as that glowing pink I see spanning the sky when I should be sleeping I can't help but be thankful for it's beauty while being reminded that the nights can be long sometimes.

I long for the morning, the dawn that brings the joy of the Lord. I know it will come. I have seen the promises of our God over and over so I choose to tell that creeping doubt where to go in Jesus Name!

Resting in His arms, taking one moment at a time, I trust in His promises for us here in this new town He led us too.

Simplification...

I am home...

Those words still feel strange to say here after 11 years in that 3 bump town...

There is much to be done still as I try to find work while I sort through boxes.  I don't know how we fit it all into that little 600 square foot apartment. Actually, I guess we never really did seen as we every inch of it was used primarily for storage and the guest suite storage was filled with our boxes and my in-law's basement had even more... All things considered, we don't have a "lot" compared to our society's standards (a lot being keepsakes I won't be parting with) but I've been feeling like it's still more than we need. Aside from those few boxes that contain memories of my heritage that will make their appearance someday when we have room enough for a china hutch, there is still a lot that is unnecessary clutter building around us . Even if it's in a box in storage, then what's the point.

The past few years, with all the trauma that has been inflicted on my life I have begun to experience overwhelming senses of panic that causes me to shut down. My chest tightens and breathing is difficult. Thoughts I never thought I would think run wild and I want to escape even the simplest of situations. The things, I suppose have become our way of feeling like there is something in our life we can control so we buy this and pick up that along the way which has caused more issues than just the clutter.

Our life has been anything but peaceful and now that we are here, in this new home that actually feels like a home for us, I have been thinking a lot about all this stuff that surrounds. I had to pack it all in about a three week period and now having more time in the unpacking, I can't help but think about it. We may not be able to do anything about social media being used to try and destroy the people God is trying to mold us into being; I can't do anything about the dreams that I awaken from or the fears that have been burned into me over the past months, but we can take steps to be sure that this home He has brought us to is our safe place.

In taking the time to simplify I am praying a few things might be accomplished...

one... I pray that in doing so, the Lord might do some healing in my life. Maybe in letting go of some of these boxes of cloths that hold dreams of what I used to be will allow me to trust Him more in decisions for today... Don't get me wrong, health and wellness is high of B and my priority right now but the choice has been made that when the work has been done to rid some of this stress from our bodies, then we deserve to put fresh new things on us rather than the past! Ha, trusting the Lord to provide for those new things when the time comes.

two... Maybe I can just accept that taking time for me, for Us, in this process is Okay. It's okay to have a serene place to exist outside of the chaos of work and life not in our control. We are in the real world again where we can have people God brings into our life who are safe for us to enter into a real relationship with. You see, that is another journey I've been on... the irony of safe relationships for a blogger... another conversation for another day.

three... It's probably good for me to actually learn again how to set goals for myself and see them through to accomplishment. I've been afraid these past two years, that nothing I do or say or can ever be will be good enough. So I don't because then I don't have to fail. The problem is, the perspective of others really doesn't matter... It's so easily construed to be what ever anyone wants to make of my life. I wonder if that's how God feels about His Word sometimes, when it's used to kill and destroy instead of building into people? I know what is what in my heart as I wrestle life with God. That's all that matters. I don't have to be afraid.

I am nervous for this process... Once upon a time, I was a relatively confident person yet I haven't hardly managed to read through an entire book in the past months, let alone set up the task of re-organizing my life!

I haven't had the strength to really consider the changes that have occurred the past couple years. But I think I am ready. I think I need to be ready now. I can't expect change in my life if I don't take even the most hesitant, baby steps towards these goals of building a balances healthy life for myself, for us, for them...

It starts here, it starts now...

Imperfect, messy but His Grace is enough...

Romans 12

I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. ² And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

 

³ For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. ⁴ For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, ⁵ so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. ⁶ Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; ⁷ or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; ⁸ he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.

 

⁹ Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. ¹⁰ Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; ¹¹ not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; ¹² rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; ¹³ distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.

 

¹⁴ Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. ¹⁵ Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. ¹⁶ Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.

 

¹⁷ Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. ¹⁸ If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. ¹⁹ Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 

 

 ²⁰ Therefore

“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;

If he is thirsty, give him a drink;

For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”

²¹ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.

Transitions...

It's been a while eh? I had every intention of meeting with you here in this space much more often but lets face it, life gets in the way when big times of transition are met. Seasons change and this past one has been terribly busy with a couple ounces of hard.

The most recent transition: I LIVE WITH MY HUSBAND AGAIN! Praise God that we still like each other after being apart for the past 3.5 months. Easy transition, not really. Good transition, more good than easy. Needed, is that even a question?

It's been a long, hard wait.

The transitions leading up to being in my new home with my beloved have been some of the most rewarding and yet ferociously difficult ones. Some of the things I've spent the past 3.5 months working on:

• pouring everything I have into "my kids", aka my students.
• planning and preparing all kinds of music, presentations and organising "extensions" with the choir who worked so hard to accomplish the incredibly lofty goals I set before them.
• humbling myself to take up work at my college work place Subway.
• started a new direct sales business with Lia Sophia Jewelry www.liasophia.ca/jessicagreene
• working through how to deal with what I am now confident was a vision from the Lord that came to me in a dream 8 years ago in my Junior year at Prairie - the second of three dreams that came three nights in a row. Another topic for another day, maybe.
• trying to say goodbye to as many loved ones in the lower areas of AB that I could before making the journey north.
• enjoying as many "last time" moments.
• slowly but surely packed the meagre belongings of the studio that had become such a part of Gods faithfulness in my life, growth in the creativity and passion He has given me and space that housed beautiful strength as .I journeyed life with so many young people.

The transitions now:

• Living with a boy again with more laundry than usual and having to deal with my blanket thief.
• Getting used to the ridiculous that my dear husband works... I mean really ridiculous! Including the multiple phone calls through out the night from being on call 24/7.
• Learning my where abouts in this new to me city - I've only got lost once :)
• Unpacking, sorting, repacking, moving, adjusting, readjusting, filing, and repeat as many times as needed to get all our stuff figured out. This will be a while yet.
• Cooking every day, multiple times a day in fact.
• Playing my well loved electric piano with rattling and failing speakers instead of my beautiful baby grand that has been my blessing to care for over the past almost 5 years.
• Trying to figure out routine amid trying to get my DS Lia Sophia business underway when I know 2 people in town. I'm getting pretty good at just starting conversations with ladies in random stores, banks, and at the dance adjudication that Bradley's little cousin was participating in. We'll see if anything comes of said conversations.
• Applying for part time work until said DS business takes off.
• Church "hunting", so to say, and trying to determine what the Lord would have for us here.

So needless to say, a lot has been going on and I have a lot to think through in my own heart as we settle here in our home. Some of those thoughts may end up here but I am excited to look forward to what the days ahead will hold.

For now, after only 3 hours of sleep last night and 13 hour shift today, my dear husband is passed out on the couch and I have a kitchen to clean before I can get to sleep myself for a while before the ringing of that phone begins...

Good night all...

Philipians 3

 

¹² Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. ¹³ Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, ¹⁴ I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

¹⁵ Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. ¹⁶ Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind.

 

¹⁷ Brethren, join in following my example, and note those who so walk, as you have us for a pattern.¹⁸ For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ:
¹⁹ whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame—who set their mind on earthly things.

 

  ²⁰ For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, ²¹ who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body, according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself.

For I know who I have believed...

In preparing for our Choir concerts which are one week from today, my heart is torn in so many emotions. "Wondrous Love"... will likely be my last musical ministry event on the campus of Prairie Bible Institute.

This place that I came to really know who God is and who I am being molded to be by His hands has been a place that has caused great joy, peace, brokenness (good and bad), healing, and so much more. I never imagined that when I arrived on this campus 11 years ago, I would be leaving with such mixed emotion.

I've moved 17 times in 11 years and no move has been filled with more exhaustive emotions as this one and it's all I can do to stay focused on the tasks at hand... The majority of the moving is done, Bradley has passed with flying colours his testing for his new position, the end of the school year is upon us and in 22 days I will be able to sleep in my own bed with my best friend at my side once again...

I am grieving dreams of arts and ministry and the beautiful relationships with "my kids" (my students). I am terrified of the unknown. I am thrilled to be rid of the horrible gossip that comes with a small town full of people with not enough to do. I am excited to finally have the chance to live life with my husband after months of being apart. I am scared at the same time to fail miserably as his wife and best friend as we start a fresh in that rented out humble home that is exactly all we need.

Despite my under normal circumstances secure and confident person, I am human and fall privy to the untruths that life and brokenness have thrown our way. I've spent the past while speaking to "my kids" about this Wondrous Love of the God we serve. How many times have I said to them that just as God leads us away from my position teaching them, He has great plans that are not all about me.

They are watching, they see what is being said and how we are being treated. They are wise. Young but their eyes are not blind. They have been to me Gods Hands and Feet as they see the truth of who God has created Bradley and I to be. By His Grace and His grace alone.

They have loved us, worked hard to fulfil the dreams of keeping music and arts alive on the campus under my direction, and I know they are praying for God to bring them someone who is hopefully even more crazy passionate about them first and the program second than I am.

So tonight as I struggle with high emotions caused by stresses that I have no power over, I turn to "my" passage of Scripture... The one I have turned to for years when I need to be reminded of His great love for me...

I know who I have believed and as I prepare to join my husband I know we have waited, prayed and are following His leading with our heads high and our knees bent before the One who is Love!




Romans 8
(biblegateway.com NKJV)

There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. ² For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. ³ For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, ⁴ that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. ⁵ For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. ⁶ For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. ⁷ Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. ⁸ So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.

⁹ But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. ¹⁰ And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. ¹¹ But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.

Sonship Through the Spirit

¹² Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. ¹³ For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. 

 ¹⁴ For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. ¹⁵ For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” ¹⁶ The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, ¹⁷ and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.

From Suffering to Glory

¹⁸ For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. ¹⁹ For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. ²⁰ For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; ²¹ because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. ²² For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. ²³ Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. ²⁴ For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? ²⁵ But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.

²⁶ Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us^[b] with groanings which cannot be uttered. ²⁷ Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.

²⁸ And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. ²⁹ For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. ³⁰ Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.

God’s Everlasting Love

³¹ What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? ³² He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? 

³³ Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies. 

³⁴ Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us. 

³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”^[c]

³⁷ Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

When the road is long...

This province that God has made my home has grown on me the past 11 years... For miles around you can see from the top of our third hill. Stunning in the summer months when all you can see is brightly coloured fields. Blinding in the winter as the sun cascades the snow covered frozen land. Humbling in the middle of the night when you can't begin to count the stars in a fraction of the sky that loom's over head. I am in awe of it's beauty... knowing that when He created it, it was good! Just for us to enjoy.

It has been a while since I have had a chance to write to you... the unknown world of listeners... I trust you are well and I thank you for your patience as the past two months have been so overwhelming for my beloved and I.

Before the past two months, God has had us on our knees the past two years... Praying for healing and  restoration in various situations of our lives. Sometimes in our pleading, God says "it's not time". We did not want to run like Jonah... Been there and done that. We have nothing to run from for we know who our Redeemer is whether or not others want to acknowledge that we are all sinners saved by grace no different one to the next. Our hearts desire has been to be patient as we wait for His perfect timing.

6 months ago he tossed out resumes, trusting that if He so desired, He would make away. We heard nothing and after a while, we were okay with that. He has been teaching us a lot about trust... "Do you trust me?" Bradley has been prompted over and over... "Daughter, how will you respond?" my thoughts continue to discern. Neither of us are naturally very good at either of these so it's amazing to me how He is teaching us together through each of our manners of processing. Having been torn to shreds in this town that God has done so much work in our lives to reveal Himself to us, we had lay our desire for healing here or the leading to be moved in His hands and waited.

Two months ago, the doors were flung wide and we both were at ease as we walked through...  Moving was not our first choice but we are at peace that it is His. We walk confidently knowing that opportunity will arise wherever we are in His will, relationships will be established in a way that is healthy and spiritually nourishing, and ultimately we choose to trust that in spite of the brokenness - He will bring about restoration in His time and there is absolutely nothing we can do to rush it because His work needs to be carried out in all lives involved.

The long straight stretches of highway in this province can deceive the length it takes to drive them... You can see the destination in the distant glow of night. Funny how we worry and grumble those last hard exhausting miles... it always seems to take forever to reach home... We always do though, by His grace we always do!

So we are off... With nothing to fear because we know the One who is our Counsellor and Provider. The only one who is Love and demonstrates love perfectly by the Lamb for our example.

Bradley has begun a new work in a town I had never been. A day's drive away from those we love and where there are only a handful of faces that we know. Our meagre belongings have been packed, moved and mostly settled in that new place that we both feel is just a little bit ours even though we know it's only for a time. I have returned to this tiny town to follow through with the commitment made to my "kids" here knowing that in 61 days this long stretch will take me to our new place that is home for us now...

I listen for the sound of the train that carries across the miles and pray for him as he works hard to learn his new role. I am so proud of you Bradley... For allowing God to use you as the leader of our home. Thank you for loving me, "this much"... I can't wait to be with you again as we wait on the Lord for continued resolve in our lives!

1 John 4: 1-6, 18-20

Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are from God, because many false prophets have gone out into the world. ² By this you know the Spirit of God: every spirit that confesses that Jesus Christ has come in the flesh is from God; ³ and every spirit that does not confess Jesus is not from God; this is the spirit of the antichrist, of which you have heard that it is coming, and now it is already in the world. ⁴ You are from God, little children, and have overcome them; because greater is He who is in you than he who is in the world. ⁵ They are from the world; therefore they speak as from the world, and the world listens to them. ⁶ We are from God; he who knows God listens to us; he who is not from God does not listen to us. By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error.

¹⁸ There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves punishment, and the one who fears is not perfected in love. ¹⁹ We love, because He first loved us. ²⁰ If someone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for the one who does not love his brother whom he has seen, cannot love God whom he has not seen.

With a greatful heart...

*** Oops, forgot to publish this post :) 

This weekend people all over this country I call home celebrated "Thanks Giving Day". Many spent hours in a kitchen basting turkeys and hams, peeling piles of potatoes, seasoning the perfect pies...

Deep dish pumpkin pie... 

I am included in this percentage of citizens. I love spending my days in the kitchen, music invading the small space of our home.  Puttering around kneading and chopping,  stirring and baking, dropping stuff and putting those things clean away... Mostly, I know how the 10 hours put in will make satisfied those hungry tummies and this opportunity to create a space for fellowship is needed for those beautiful guests who came.

Bradley's favourite... My first time making real homemade scalloped potatoes... mmmmm!

 

In this season that we celebrate the bounty of provision that our good Lord has bestowed on us I am weary and strained and sick with a cold to top it off. My head says I should feel guilty about admitting this but it's just the honest truth.

Truth... now that is something I am thankful for. Truth is not always easy but in it we find much freedom.

The truth about ones self is rarely something we enjoy acknowledging because the truth is, we are naturally pretty horrible beings. When we were created, He said we were "Very Good"... we weren't created to live a life filled with sin but rather we must endure it and learn to work through it because of a decision to succumb to it in that first generation so very long ago.

This day, after a day of celebrating friendships, family, provisions, and ultimately our Provider, I long to be grateful. I am grateful.

Grateful to know Him who is the Truth personally. Grateful to know that that "this too shall pass", this season of drought which has formed deep crevices in my spirit. I am grateful to know that the Source of living water does not run dry and continues to nourish my roots even though the levels are lower than my visible eye can see.

With a grateful heart, I do know that He cares and He chooses to bless in ways we may never know. So yes, on this Thanksgiving Day I do give thanks with a broken, tired and yet eternally grateful heart to the One who knows and loves us exactly where we are!

Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good;

    his love endures forever.  

Psalm 107:1

When he comes home...

Monday - Friday he's living in Calgary as he finishes up schooling for welding and I have to admit that at times it's nice having the house to myself once again. 

Please don't get me wrong, I miss him terribly when we're apart. But in spite of that, I would be lying if I didn't admit to the pleasure I feel in leaving the dishes just because I can or to simply have a bowl of cereal for supper if I don't feel like cooking or to leave my socks on the couch where I slipped them off before falling asleep while watching Dancing With The Stars ...

All things I hate to do when he comes home!

Why?

Because when he comes home I love to see him smile.

I love to see his face when our tiny home is as tidy as can be after a period of chaos due to busy work schedules.

I love listening to the noises he makes when he eats a meal that I've poured myself into making even if they are forced because I may have royally messed one or two of those dinners up.

I love to watch him fall asleep in my arms on the couch after he's worked hard all week even if it means I have to put his socks in the laundry basket myself.

Life isn't always peachy but it often contain roses when he comes home. Delicate creations that are enchanting to admire and breath in. I realize that the thorns can cause deep pain if not handled in a gracious manner but as we learn and grow together we realize that none of these wounds are insurmountable by the healing grace of forgiveness and love. At times it might be love for each other that can only come from our Jehovah Jireh, our Provider, but it is there...

Monday is gone now and there will be 3 more days where I will only hear his voice for a few minutes on the phone before we drift to sleep. So I keep my hands busy and look forward to when he comes home to me.

Just another day...

It's just another day it seems. An overcast, chilly spring day. The date is not a mark the calendar kind. I've done 6 loads of laundry with 3 more to go. Dishes are waiting, the bathroom needs scrubbing, my floors need attention from my hands and knees and we all know that the hallways outside my little home would love to be freed from the muddy trails that have made their way in from shoes worn out... Yes it is just another day.

                              

My heart, however, tells me otherwise. There is something about this day that brings an overwhelming sense of emotion. Some would say "Oh, she's just being an artist today" and I smile to myself thinking "Thank you" because I've been learning that it is not always a bad thing.

                                      
I have experienced 9,780 days thus far on this earth and each one of those has been as different from each other as any one thing in this world.

How can it be "Just another day" when each one is comprised of completely different tasks, events, people or a lack there of? When each moment carries a different emotion or feeling or desire?

It can't.


We can let ourselves believe it is because it's often easier to just carry on as if there is nothing really important to concern ourselves with.

But it's not Truth.

The truth is: there isn't one moment in time, one strand on a persons head, one grain of sand that is like any other of it's kind and yet we so often choose to ignore the sign's.

The truth is: I have another opportunity to serve my neighbours today through my "cleaning lady" job. I have another chance to say "I've missed you this week" by preparing our home for his arrival. I have another moment that is given to me in order to feel their touch and love through the pain and long for the ones far away and pray with the ones here today... 

"Just another day", my heart says you will have no place in my time-table.

                                    

"God saw all that He had made, and behold, it was very good. And there was evening and there was morning, the sixth day."  Genesis 1:31