Once upon a "Silent Night"...

Today is already December 3rd  13th now, which totally trampled my heartfelt intention of posting each day this month, something that inspires me to anticipate in a new way the birthday of our Savior.

The bad news is that this month of December (well, really the last week of November on) is the most ridiculous time of year for any musician or lover of the arts as there is SO much to fill our schedules.

If it's not teaching, it's my not-by-my-choice-soon-to-be-over cleaning job. If it's not that, it's rehearsals. If not rehearsals, it's extra rehearsals or last minute sectionals, or planning for final recitals or preparing for student juries or production planning or performances for the first production I am involved in with the THAA. And then it's more and more and more for the second production which is this coming was this past weekend for Prairie... did I mention rehearsals and more mopping of floors and additional preparations?

Once in a while, if my dear husband is so lucky, I will have time to make a meal or spot clean our own home. Thank you for being so patient with your crazy and passionate artist wife and even blessing me by doing the dishes once in a while :)

What can I say? I take pride in what I do. I may be poor in monetary gain for my work but goodness knows that for an artist, it's so much more.

If I wanted to make my millions I would have continued down my initial thoughts of a career choice in the medical field. Thank God I couldn't manage to grasp the concepts of Math no matter how many days a week I went in for help in high school. I never would have imagine then, how deeply in love I would fall with my music and teaching.

I don't wave my hands in front of all 27 of them expecting perfection. 95% of them don't even read music. And yet, when it's all sung and lights come back on bright and they say to me "Teacher, I messed up here and there"... I can honestly say, "I didn't even hear it" because the excitement on their faces and the glorious efforts that they have put forth to learn what they have been gifted to do are more important to me than being the best.

And this year, Prairies 69th Annual Christmas Music Night titled "Silent Night", that those three and I talked about and planned as they learn under my often failing wing, was the most beautiful and perfect program that they could have given me. I am humbled and inspired. 

Thank you to my dear students who love to learn and inspire me to create! Merry Christmas and enjoy your time off because January is going to be CRAZY with LOTS of new music :)

PBI Choir 2012/2013. A new generation posed on the foundation of the old Prairie Tabernacle. 

Dear Tania...

Dear Tania, 

This past week we spent our birthdays apart for the first time in a long time... I miss you and am grateful for the lovely gift of men called Skype :) 

I know this year has been a great struggle for you, as was the last and maybe the few before that. I want you to know that you are inspiring to those of us to have taken the time to get to know the genuine God fearing you. He truly has brought you out of the mire and is molding you to be such a passionately merciful human. You love deeply, fight hard for those you love, and you never give up on people!

We haven't always seen eye to eye but we are better people because of it. As iron sharpens iron in a painfully heated way sometimes, God has used you in my life to challenge me, love me when I didn't deserve and laugh with me when I needed it most. 

You are more than my friend Tania. You truly are my sister brought into the same family by the Blood of Him who loves us unconditionally. 

Right now, an ocean apart, with my mornings as your nights, I trust Gods promise of provision for you. That He will bless you and keep you and make His face to shine upon you giving you peace. Happy Birthday Tania... I can't wait to hear of all your adventures that this year has to bring you! I love you... (And of course Bradley say's hello)

In my 28th year...

In my 28th year, I've experienced a lot of beauty throughout the thorns of life...

Amid the deep grief of loosing what we excitedly thought we were going to be blessed with, I treasured my first wedding anniversary with my best friend. After a year filled with turmoil out of our control we knew we had each other because of His grace in our lives.

I shared incredibly sacred moments with my beloved as I met my beautiful step children Avery and Seth for the first time.

I have had the privilege of teaching numerous young people in my studio and even greater the opportunity to speak into life experiences with them as they find a safe place within the walls where we sing.

I have been apart of and directed musical productions, blessed to have opportunity to put into practise my passion: conducting.

I had the opportunity to attend my very first orchestral performance in Calgary with co-workers and students.

 

I have spent days in the majestic mountain range of our country exploring life and creation with loved ones.

I have celebrated with loved ones at the birth of children, parties for the added year each of us has, and honored my husband as he finished up his final studies passing to become a journeyman welder.

Despite the harshness that comes with loosing jobs, miscarriages, shredded relationships, children too far away and finding out who your real friends are, I know God is faithful and just. His will is not to harm His children but to give us hope and a future.

This past weekend, my dear husband surprised me with a trip to Banff where we were able to be inspired by the creation God has given us to enjoy. As Bradley and I drove through snow filled forests, walked along icy river front trails, and sipped on tasty Christmas flavored coffees to warm our hands, I was reminded this weekend how great His love is for  us in that He gave us even the most simple things to find joy in.

I am inspired.

I long to continue to be inspired in this next year. Looking to Him, who has made every good and perfect gift, for that inspiration in all aspects of my life.

In memory of the fallen...

Today is a day of Remembrance in our home.

November 7th, 2003 was the last sunrise that those brave men, Kyran, Ben, Paul and Scott, who were aboard the Lancer 431 would ever see.

Today, even more so than any other day of the year, I watch Bradley's head hang low and tears fill his eyes as he reflects on the lives of those 4. Men who he lived with, laughed with, cried with, and fought with to keep us free.

He got to know those men he worked along side in a way that the majority of our working population will never experience. They were brothers. Not of the same blood. Not even of the same faith. But brothers in a way that only they would ever understand.

I can't help but feel guilty that I am eternally grateful he was held back that day. He should have been there, on that flight, with them. But instead he was sitting in that classroom unaware that the news he would receive would change him forevermore. This news that his best friend, along with the others, were drawn from the sky by a rocket propelled grenade was the farthest from his mind but cut him straight through the heart when it came.

We pray for those families that I've never met but he has heard all about. I can't picture the faces I've never seen but I can see their hearts as I look to the heart of our Father who has created them in His image. He feels all emotion and has given us the ability to do the same. My heart grieves for them knowing that they too grieve in the memory of today.

I pray for him as he speaks about his best friend Scott as if it happened yesterday. This man who acts so tough while he talks the talk is torn inside today. All I can do is hold him, wipe tears as they shed. I feel helpless because nothing I can say or do will bring them back or change what is inevitable for this sin cursed world.

It's not how God the Father desired this world to be: famine, brokenness and war. I am so proud to know that it will not last forever. That the eternal battle that rages on has already been won by the blood of Christ Jesus. Until His return, we give thanks to those who fight and shed their blood to keep our earthly body's safe from harms way.

These men who gave their life and those men and women who continue to place more value on our freedom than their own are just a glimpse of the goodness that God intended for us in humanity.

As we spend time in remembrance this week, I pray that our hearts would be mindful of these fallen soldiers, their families and those who survived physically but will never be free from the experiences they endured.
 
Bradley, I am so proud of you! To all of my other family and friends who have served or are serving still, we thank you and continue to pray for you!

Numbers 6:24-26

The Lord bless you, and keep you;

The Lord make His face shine on you,
And be gracious to you;

The Lord lift up His countenance on you,
And give you peace.’

White as snow ...

Part of me longs for the crisp fall to linger... The colors that grace the trees high, the air that is fresh now that the farmers have finished filling it with the dust of their living, the bright morning skies that arrive just a little later so I can thoroughly enjoy them rather than dream of them...

All the while, deep down, I know there is nothing like the beautifully clean blanket that covers this hard, dirty, smelly land like the first real snow of the season.

Bradley and I love to drive... I have become good at my "drive by shootings". But isn't that just the paradigm... we drive to find a little bit of solace from the craziness of our lives and yet the highways loan themselves to be sped along.  

This time of year in particular, with the ice covered roads, we are forced to slow. And I am grateful for that. I don't absorb things quickly and easily as some others might. I have to look and feel and think things through from all angles before I am ready to move to the next image. This is not simply when I am looking through a lens but I tend to be this way in the way I work and carry out relationships and live my day to day life. Sometimes it drives my husband crazy. He is very goal orientated and so he knows where the finish line is and tends to bulldozes straight for it.  

We are learning... to take time to appreciate the beauty of each others differences. The simplicity that comes with one step at a time and maybe moving slightly faster or slower than we are comfortable with.

This season, I am thankful for. The reminder that no matter how hard things have been. No matter how much filth floats in the air from our own sins and the lies that surround my beloved and I. No matter how much pain  caused from the death that surrounds as life gets ready to surrender to the cold of this next season... 

There is beauty in this season. 

There is a sense of purity that comes with it. 

He washes white as snow and I am so grateful for this reminder. 

That He who loves us, loves us with an everlasting love. He does not hold us in a state of purgatory here on earth when we give over to addiction, pride and hurtful ways. He has given us the Holy Spirit to move and convict when need, Jesus Christ to cover us so we might be forgiven, and He chooses to extend grace and love us more than hate because of the sin we commit so that we can be in right relationship.

Yes, I love the fall... But there is nothing quite like the reminder of His pure love for us than the covering of the first snowfall. 

Psalm 51: 5 - 12

Surely I was sinful at birth,

    sinful from the time my mother conceived me.

 

Yet you desired faithfulness even in the womb;

    you taught me wisdom in that secret place.

Cleanse me with hyssop, and I will be clean;

    wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.

 

Let me hear joy and gladness;

    let the bones you have crushed rejoice.

 

Hide your face from my sins

    and blot out all my iniquity.

Create in me a pure heart, O God,

    and renew a steadfast spirit within me.

 

Do not cast me from your presence

    or take your Holy Spirit from me.

 

Restore to me the joy of your salvation

    and grant me a willing spirit, to sustain me.