It's amazing to me how long these northern Alberta nights are. I was out driving last night just spending some much needed time with the Lord and it was so light, so late. 11:45pm and there was still a stripe of pink across that horizon above the hills and trees.
It really is beautiful up here. Absolutely beautiful. And there are even a few lakes. Still not quite like the lakes I swam in as a child but they are there for me to enjoy. The trees and hills and herds of animals everywhere!
Even in the city itself, I'm amazed as I venture out how many parks surround. Manicured beautifully for residents to enjoy. Bored people are boring people I heard once and here, as long as you don't mind your walking shoes there seems to be endless opportunity to enjoy life.
My job is going well. Part time with funny gals to share the few hours a week preparing orders for weddings and other parties. I'm still waiting for my Lia Sophia business to take off up here so I keep my nose to the ground and work hard to promote.
I keep waiting for the morning though...
I've been promised that it will bring Joy...
It's hard to wait out the storms of life. You see I'm not a very patient person it seems. Always thought I was but it's lessened a great deal these past couple years. As beautiful as that glowing pink I see spanning the sky when I should be sleeping I can't help but be thankful for it's beauty while being reminded that the nights can be long sometimes.
I long for the morning, the dawn that brings the joy of the Lord. I know it will come. I have seen the promises of our God over and over so I choose to tell that creeping doubt where to go in Jesus Name!
Resting in His arms, taking one moment at a time, I trust in His promises for us here in this new town He led us too.
Thursday, 20 June 2013
Sunday, 2 June 2013
Simplification...
I am home...
Those words still feel strange to say here after 11 years in that 3 bump town...
There is much to be done still as I try to find work while I sort through boxes. I don't know how we fit it all into that little 600 square foot apartment. Actually, I guess we never really did seen as we every inch of it was used primarily for storage and the guest suite storage was filled with our boxes and my in-law's basement had even more... All things considered, we don't have a "lot" compared to our society's standards (a lot being keepsakes I won't be parting with) but I've been feeling like it's still more than we need. Aside from those few boxes that contain memories of my heritage that will make their appearance someday when we have room enough for a china hutch, there is still a lot that is unnecessary clutter building around us . Even if it's in a box in storage, then what's the point.
The past few years, with all the trauma that has been inflicted on my life I have begun to experience overwhelming senses of panic that causes me to shut down. My chest tightens and breathing is difficult. Thoughts I never thought I would think run wild and I want to escape even the simplest of situations. The things, I suppose have become our way of feeling like there is something in our life we can control so we buy this and pick up that along the way which has caused more issues than just the clutter.
Our life has been anything but peaceful and now that we are here, in this new home that actually feels like a home for us, I have been thinking a lot about all this stuff that surrounds. I had to pack it all in about a three week period and now having more time in the unpacking, I can't help but think about it. We may not be able to do anything about social media being used to try and destroy the people God is trying to mold us into being; I can't do anything about the dreams that I awaken from or the fears that have been burned into me over the past months, but we can take steps to be sure that this home He has brought us to is our safe place.
In taking the time to simplify I am praying a few things might be accomplished...
one... I pray that in doing so, the Lord might do some healing in my life. Maybe in letting go of some of these boxes of cloths that hold dreams of what I used to be will allow me to trust Him more in decisions for today... Don't get me wrong, health and wellness is high of B and my priority right now but the choice has been made that when the work has been done to rid some of this stress from our bodies, then we deserve to put fresh new things on us rather than the past! Ha, trusting the Lord to provide for those new things when the time comes.
two... Maybe I can just accept that taking time for me, for Us, in this process is Okay. It's okay to have a serene place to exist outside of the chaos of work and life not in our control. We are in the real world again where we can have people God brings into our life who are safe for us to enter into a real relationship with. You see, that is another journey I've been on... the irony of safe relationships for a blogger... another conversation for another day.
three... It's probably good for me to actually learn again how to set goals for myself and see them through to accomplishment. I've been afraid these past two years, that nothing I do or say or can ever be will be good enough. So I don't because then I don't have to fail. The problem is, the perspective of others really doesn't matter... It's so easily construed to be what ever anyone wants to make of my life. I wonder if that's how God feels about His Word sometimes, when it's used to kill and destroy instead of building into people? I know what is what in my heart as I wrestle life with God. That's all that matters. I don't have to be afraid.
I am nervous for this process... Once upon a time, I was a relatively confident person yet I haven't hardly managed to read through an entire book in the past months, let alone set up the task of re-organizing my life!
I haven't had the strength to really consider the changes that have occurred the past couple years. But I think I am ready. I think I need to be ready now. I can't expect change in my life if I don't take even the most hesitant, baby steps towards these goals of building a balances healthy life for myself, for us, for them...
It starts here, it starts now...
Imperfect, messy but His Grace is enough...
Those words still feel strange to say here after 11 years in that 3 bump town...
There is much to be done still as I try to find work while I sort through boxes. I don't know how we fit it all into that little 600 square foot apartment. Actually, I guess we never really did seen as we every inch of it was used primarily for storage and the guest suite storage was filled with our boxes and my in-law's basement had even more... All things considered, we don't have a "lot" compared to our society's standards (a lot being keepsakes I won't be parting with) but I've been feeling like it's still more than we need. Aside from those few boxes that contain memories of my heritage that will make their appearance someday when we have room enough for a china hutch, there is still a lot that is unnecessary clutter building around us . Even if it's in a box in storage, then what's the point.
The past few years, with all the trauma that has been inflicted on my life I have begun to experience overwhelming senses of panic that causes me to shut down. My chest tightens and breathing is difficult. Thoughts I never thought I would think run wild and I want to escape even the simplest of situations. The things, I suppose have become our way of feeling like there is something in our life we can control so we buy this and pick up that along the way which has caused more issues than just the clutter.
Our life has been anything but peaceful and now that we are here, in this new home that actually feels like a home for us, I have been thinking a lot about all this stuff that surrounds. I had to pack it all in about a three week period and now having more time in the unpacking, I can't help but think about it. We may not be able to do anything about social media being used to try and destroy the people God is trying to mold us into being; I can't do anything about the dreams that I awaken from or the fears that have been burned into me over the past months, but we can take steps to be sure that this home He has brought us to is our safe place.
In taking the time to simplify I am praying a few things might be accomplished...
one... I pray that in doing so, the Lord might do some healing in my life. Maybe in letting go of some of these boxes of cloths that hold dreams of what I used to be will allow me to trust Him more in decisions for today... Don't get me wrong, health and wellness is high of B and my priority right now but the choice has been made that when the work has been done to rid some of this stress from our bodies, then we deserve to put fresh new things on us rather than the past! Ha, trusting the Lord to provide for those new things when the time comes.
two... Maybe I can just accept that taking time for me, for Us, in this process is Okay. It's okay to have a serene place to exist outside of the chaos of work and life not in our control. We are in the real world again where we can have people God brings into our life who are safe for us to enter into a real relationship with. You see, that is another journey I've been on... the irony of safe relationships for a blogger... another conversation for another day.
three... It's probably good for me to actually learn again how to set goals for myself and see them through to accomplishment. I've been afraid these past two years, that nothing I do or say or can ever be will be good enough. So I don't because then I don't have to fail. The problem is, the perspective of others really doesn't matter... It's so easily construed to be what ever anyone wants to make of my life. I wonder if that's how God feels about His Word sometimes, when it's used to kill and destroy instead of building into people? I know what is what in my heart as I wrestle life with God. That's all that matters. I don't have to be afraid.
I am nervous for this process... Once upon a time, I was a relatively confident person yet I haven't hardly managed to read through an entire book in the past months, let alone set up the task of re-organizing my life!
I haven't had the strength to really consider the changes that have occurred the past couple years. But I think I am ready. I think I need to be ready now. I can't expect change in my life if I don't take even the most hesitant, baby steps towards these goals of building a balances healthy life for myself, for us, for them...
It starts here, it starts now...
Imperfect, messy but His Grace is enough...
Romans 12
I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that you present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable to God, which is your reasonable service. 2 And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.
3 For I say, through the grace given to me, to everyone who is among you, not to think of himself more highly than he ought to think, but to think soberly, as God has dealt to each one a measure of faith. 4 For as we have many members in one body, but all the members do not have the same function, 5 so we, being many, are one body in Christ, and individually members of one another. 6 Having then gifts differing according to the grace that is given to us, let us use them: if prophecy, let us prophesy in proportion to our faith; 7 or ministry, let us use it in our ministering; he who teaches, in teaching; 8 he who exhorts, in exhortation; he who gives, with liberality; he who leads, with diligence; he who shows mercy, with cheerfulness.
9 Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. 10 Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another; 11 not lagging in diligence, fervent in spirit, serving the Lord; 12 rejoicing in hope, patient in tribulation, continuing steadfastly in prayer; 13 distributing to the needs of the saints, given to hospitality.
14 Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. 15 Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep. 16 Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set your mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion.
17 Repay no one evil for evil. Have regard for good things in the sight of all men. 18 If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men. 19 Beloved, do not avenge yourselves, but rather give place to wrath; for it is written, “Vengeance is Mine, I will repay,” says the Lord.
20 Therefore
“If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
If he is thirsty, give him a drink;
For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.”
21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
Friday, 31 May 2013
Growing up fast...
Last week, after only 16 days of living with my beloved again, I got up tired, loaded my bags into our truck with a little feeling of wishing I didn't have to and I sat holding hands with him as he drove me to the airport... Of course everything that could go wrong other than the plane plummeting to the ground did, but as I ponder the outcome... I am amazed yet again at the faithfulness of my God.
If it wasn't for those planes being delayed and over booked, I wouldn't have had the chance to meet for a quick coffee date with my beautifully grown niece who I haven't seen in 2 and a half years...
It's been far to long since I've held her in my arms and looked her in the eye as we discuss the things that challenge our hearts. These conversations have changed over the years but I know that our relationship will always hold a special place in my heart! That girl who is no longer a girl but a grown woman with dreams and goals and a BOY... okay, a man... will always bring a smile to my lips when I think of her.
You see, I care for these lil ones who have grown and are growing so fast. Courtney, J..., Shawna, Austin, Hailey, Aydin, ..., Tyson, Naomi, ..., Koen, Ben, Caleb, ..., Rehannah, Tanaya, Mistii, Bella, Issak, Lyla, ... and Oliver. And I pray for the ones who may come still...
I cherish those memories of the ones I was able to hold in one arm cooing and singing and rocking them through tears and falling asleep with them on comfy couches and chairs.
I will never forget those late night sleepovers and questions about who that man Jesus was in that Good Book I read.
The popcorn movie nights,
the too much junk food,
the laughs in the snow piled too deep,
running on the shores getting wet from the waters,
Lego's and dolly's and songs and dancing and Christmas mornings with way to many sugar cookies...
not to mention the story after story after story and then just one more before good nights...
I am honored with those deep life concerns shared and young arms giving the best hugs and kisses galore. I long for the days between to go quickly and yet want so badly for them to stay little so they fit perfectly in my arms. I wish for those who are far away and the ones that I've yet to meet to be nearer so I can know by the look in their eyes the simple truths that God is revealing to them in their youth.
The time goes fast.
The growing up it seems even faster.
I miss my beloved but I am SO incredibly thankful for his desire to see me in right relationship with those I love and that he honors my desire to be here to spend time watching them grow.
From my eldest Courtney who is now over 2 decades young who enjoys sipping coffee with her crazy auntie all the way down to my sweet young Oliver a little more than 2 months old that I get to comfort and snuggle as his big sister goes crazy dancing and twirling for me... I am so thankful for these beautiful individuals that are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Auntie loves you, all of you, with all her heart and I pray that you might also some day come to know the love of your Heavenly Father that is never changing...
7 "Ask, and it will be given to you;
seek, and you will find;
knock, and it will be opened to you.
8 For everyone who asks receives,
and he who seeks finds,
and to him who knocks it will be opened.
9 Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone?10 Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? 11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him! 12 “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
Psalm 103
If it wasn't for those planes being delayed and over booked, I wouldn't have had the chance to meet for a quick coffee date with my beautifully grown niece who I haven't seen in 2 and a half years...
It's been far to long since I've held her in my arms and looked her in the eye as we discuss the things that challenge our hearts. These conversations have changed over the years but I know that our relationship will always hold a special place in my heart! That girl who is no longer a girl but a grown woman with dreams and goals and a BOY... okay, a man... will always bring a smile to my lips when I think of her.
You see, I care for these lil ones who have grown and are growing so fast. Courtney, J..., Shawna, Austin, Hailey, Aydin, ..., Tyson, Naomi, ..., Koen, Ben, Caleb, ..., Rehannah, Tanaya, Mistii, Bella, Issak, Lyla, ... and Oliver. And I pray for the ones who may come still...
I cherish those memories of the ones I was able to hold in one arm cooing and singing and rocking them through tears and falling asleep with them on comfy couches and chairs.
I will never forget those late night sleepovers and questions about who that man Jesus was in that Good Book I read.
The popcorn movie nights,
the too much junk food,
the laughs in the snow piled too deep,
running on the shores getting wet from the waters,
Lego's and dolly's and songs and dancing and Christmas mornings with way to many sugar cookies...
not to mention the story after story after story and then just one more before good nights...
I am honored with those deep life concerns shared and young arms giving the best hugs and kisses galore. I long for the days between to go quickly and yet want so badly for them to stay little so they fit perfectly in my arms. I wish for those who are far away and the ones that I've yet to meet to be nearer so I can know by the look in their eyes the simple truths that God is revealing to them in their youth.
The time goes fast.
The growing up it seems even faster.
I miss my beloved but I am SO incredibly thankful for his desire to see me in right relationship with those I love and that he honors my desire to be here to spend time watching them grow.
From my eldest Courtney who is now over 2 decades young who enjoys sipping coffee with her crazy auntie all the way down to my sweet young Oliver a little more than 2 months old that I get to comfort and snuggle as his big sister goes crazy dancing and twirling for me... I am so thankful for these beautiful individuals that are fearfully and wonderfully made.
Auntie loves you, all of you, with all her heart and I pray that you might also some day come to know the love of your Heavenly Father that is never changing...
Matthew 7
7 "Ask, and it will be given to you;
seek, and you will find;
knock, and it will be opened to you.
8 For everyone who asks receives,
and he who seeks finds,
and to him who knocks it will be opened.
9 Or what man is there among you who, when his son asks for a loaf, will give him a stone?10 Or if he asks for a fish, he will not give him a snake, will he? 11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him! 12 “In everything, therefore, treat people the same way you want them to treat you, for this is the Law and the Prophets.
Psalm 103
Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And all that is within me, bless His holy name.
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
3 Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
4 Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
5 Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
2 Bless the Lord, O my soul,
And forget none of His benefits;
3 Who pardons all your iniquities,
Who heals all your diseases;
4 Who redeems your life from the pit,
Who crowns you with lovingkindness and compassion;
5 Who satisfies your years with good things,
So that your youth is renewed like the eagle.
6 The Lord performs righteous deeds
And judgments for all who are oppressed.
7 He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the sons of Israel.
8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
9 He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
12 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13 Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
14 For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.
And judgments for all who are oppressed.
7 He made known His ways to Moses,
His acts to the sons of Israel.
8 The Lord is compassionate and gracious,
Slow to anger and abounding in lovingkindness.
9 He will not always strive with us,
Nor will He keep His anger forever.
10 He has not dealt with us according to our sins,
Nor rewarded us according to our iniquities.
11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
So great is His lovingkindness toward those who fear Him.
12 As far as the east is from the west,
So far has He removed our transgressions from us.
13 Just as a father has compassion on his children,
So the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.
14 For He Himself knows our frame;
He is mindful that we are but dust.
15 As for man, his days are like grass;
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16 When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
17 But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children,
18 To those who keep His covenant
And remember His precepts to do them.
As a flower of the field, so he flourishes.
16 When the wind has passed over it, it is no more,
And its place acknowledges it no longer.
17 But the lovingkindness of the Lord is from everlasting to everlasting on those who fear Him,
And His righteousness to children’s children,
18 To those who keep His covenant
And remember His precepts to do them.
Monday, 13 May 2013
When the sun shines...
It's easy to smile when the sun shines... Feel the joy that the brightness brings to a persons heart.
It's rays cast through that dusty window in our kitchen. As I clean this floor on my hands and knees, when I would rather bask like a cat in the warmth of those rays, I think of you and smile... Your not the mother that was given to me by birth but the one who was my beloveds first and became mine when we said "I do".
I am thankful for you, you know? We both are.
We love you, you know? Love that will never end.
You have sacrificed much in the past years that I have known you and I can imagine in the years before that there was much given and taken away from the only One who has that authority. I have seen your desire change these past months, pure and honest and raw desire, to "Be Still"... how long has that been the phrase He has given you? As long as I can remember. Amazing to me that it is the same verse the Lord gave to me all those years ago when He began to tear down the walls of my heart.
I know this command He has given you has not easy for you; you who is gifted with a true mothers heart, a heart that longs to take pain away when we both know full well God has to be the healer in some circumstances. There are just times when we have to let go and I am so thankful for your example as you learn and grow even more into a strong woman after Gods own heart. An example for all of us young women who have been placed into your path.
I am thankful you don't walk perfectly you know, that you are realizing the freedom of not having to have every strand in place... That's the side of you and your beloved that we love best. To know that there is hope for us, that we don't have to have life together all the time. That it's okay to be messy and love imperfectly and allow ourselves to feel Gods grace in spite being undeserving...
We can't be with you today to celebrate with you but we are thinking of you today. Praying that in this next year, the Lord would continue to bless you with knowing Him better and the beautiful woman you are by His grace. We pray that you might continue to let Him work as you present yourself to His will for your life. You have much to give, He knows that, we know that, and we look forward to seeing how He is going to move in and through you! May you be blessed with the Joy that He longs to restore to your spirit this year!
Happy Birthday Mom (Marion)...
Sunday, 12 May 2013
Dear Mama...
There are times in life when I am far away from the only one on this earth who truly can say she loved me from the beginning of my being... The one who gave so much of herself to give life to us four. In those times God gives us surrogates in a way. Mother figures that come in various forms.
I am so grateful for my Mama but also for these other women in my life. All women who have loved me, challenged me, listened to me, laughed with me, cried for me, sought after God along side of me... Each holds her own portion of this heart I've been given and as I reflect today on their examples I know I am blessed to have the love of each one and to have the opportunity to love in return.
To the one who gave of herself to give life to me...
I love you Mom...
I am so thankful for you in my life and couldn't ask for a better example of generous love than that which you show me! Your strength is an inspiration and although I recognise that you are down on yourself more often than not, your courage to do right by your flesh and blood is more than any child could desire.
Mom, we've walked some very hard roads together. Ones where we disagreed. Ones where I hurt you and you hurt me. You know what though, I am thankful because of the beautiful scenes that followed these hard times. Some trails shorter than others but you've been there. I couldn't ask for more than for you to just have been there.
I couldn't be more proud than to watch you allow the Holy Spirit do His work in your life as you seek after His will for you and for us, your forever babes. Thank you for being God's vessel in our lives and for teaching us of His love as best you could, in the ways you understood. Thank you for being gracious even when this cheeky young woman was anything but. Thank you for being you and only you!!! I wouldn't change a thing!
In the words of my favourite story by Robert Munsch...
"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my mommy you'll be."
I am so grateful for my Mama but also for these other women in my life. All women who have loved me, challenged me, listened to me, laughed with me, cried for me, sought after God along side of me... Each holds her own portion of this heart I've been given and as I reflect today on their examples I know I am blessed to have the love of each one and to have the opportunity to love in return.
To the one who gave of herself to give life to me...
I love you Mom...
I am so thankful for you in my life and couldn't ask for a better example of generous love than that which you show me! Your strength is an inspiration and although I recognise that you are down on yourself more often than not, your courage to do right by your flesh and blood is more than any child could desire.
Mom, we've walked some very hard roads together. Ones where we disagreed. Ones where I hurt you and you hurt me. You know what though, I am thankful because of the beautiful scenes that followed these hard times. Some trails shorter than others but you've been there. I couldn't ask for more than for you to just have been there.
I couldn't be more proud than to watch you allow the Holy Spirit do His work in your life as you seek after His will for you and for us, your forever babes. Thank you for being God's vessel in our lives and for teaching us of His love as best you could, in the ways you understood. Thank you for being gracious even when this cheeky young woman was anything but. Thank you for being you and only you!!! I wouldn't change a thing!
In the words of my favourite story by Robert Munsch...
"I'll love you forever,
I'll like you for always,
As long as I'm living my mommy you'll be."
Proverbs 31
Strength and honor are her clothing;
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed
She shall rejoice in time to come.
26 She opens her mouth with wisdom,
And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
27 She watches over the ways of her household,
And does not eat the bread of idleness.
28 Her children rise up and call her blessed
Saturday, 11 May 2013
Transitions...
It's been a while eh? I had every intention of meeting with you here in this space much more often but lets face it, life gets in the way when big times of transition are met. Seasons change and this past one has been terribly busy with a couple ounces of hard.
The most recent transition: I LIVE WITH MY HUSBAND AGAIN! Praise God that we still like each other after being apart for the past 3.5 months. Easy transition, not really. Good transition, more good than easy. Needed, is that even a question?
It's been a long, hard wait.
The transitions leading up to being in my new home with my beloved have been some of the most rewarding and yet ferociously difficult ones. Some of the things I've spent the past 3.5 months working on:
The transitions now:
So needless to say, a lot has been going on and I have a lot to think through in my own heart as we settle here in our home. Some of those thoughts may end up here but I am excited to look forward to what the days ahead will hold.
For now, after only 3 hours of sleep last night and 13 hour shift today, my dear husband is passed out on the couch and I have a kitchen to clean before I can get to sleep myself for a while before the ringing of that phone begins...
Good night all...
The most recent transition: I LIVE WITH MY HUSBAND AGAIN! Praise God that we still like each other after being apart for the past 3.5 months. Easy transition, not really. Good transition, more good than easy. Needed, is that even a question?
It's been a long, hard wait.
The transitions leading up to being in my new home with my beloved have been some of the most rewarding and yet ferociously difficult ones. Some of the things I've spent the past 3.5 months working on:
- pouring everything I have into "my kids", aka my students.
- planning and preparing all kinds of music, presentations and organising "extensions" with the choir who worked so hard to accomplish the incredibly lofty goals I set before them.
- humbling myself to take up work at my college work place Subway.
- started a new direct sales business with Lia Sophia Jewelry www.liasophia.ca/jessicagreene
- working through how to deal with what I am now confident was a vision from the Lord that came to me in a dream 8 years ago in my Junior year at Prairie - the second of three dreams that came three nights in a row. Another topic for another day, maybe.
- trying to say goodbye to as many loved ones in the lower areas of AB that I could before making the journey north.
- enjoying as many "last time" moments.
- slowly but surely packed the meagre belongings of the studio that had become such a part of Gods faithfulness in my life, growth in the creativity and passion He has given me and space that housed beautiful strength as .I journeyed life with so many young people.
The transitions now:
- Living with a boy again with more laundry than usual and having to deal with my blanket thief.
- Getting used to the ridiculous that my dear husband works... I mean really ridiculous! Including the multiple phone calls through out the night from being on call 24/7.
- Learning my where abouts in this new to me city - I've only got lost once :)
- Unpacking, sorting, repacking, moving, adjusting, readjusting, filing, and repeat as many times as needed to get all our stuff figured out. This will be a while yet.
- Cooking every day, multiple times a day in fact.
- Playing my well loved electric piano with rattling and failing speakers instead of my beautiful baby grand that has been my blessing to care for over the past almost 5 years.
- Trying to figure out routine amid trying to get my DS Lia Sophia business underway when I know 2 people in town. I'm getting pretty good at just starting conversations with ladies in random stores, banks, and at the dance adjudication that Bradley's little cousin was participating in. We'll see if anything comes of said conversations.
- Applying for part time work until said DS business takes off.
- Church "hunting", so to say, and trying to determine what the Lord would have for us here.
So needless to say, a lot has been going on and I have a lot to think through in my own heart as we settle here in our home. Some of those thoughts may end up here but I am excited to look forward to what the days ahead will hold.
For now, after only 3 hours of sleep last night and 13 hour shift today, my dear husband is passed out on the couch and I have a kitchen to clean before I can get to sleep myself for a while before the ringing of that phone begins...
Good night all...
Philipians 3
12 Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. 13 Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, 14 I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.
15 Therefore let us, as many as are mature, have this mind; and if in anything you think otherwise, God will reveal even this to you. 16 Nevertheless, to the degree that we have already attained, let us walk by the same rule, let us be of the same mind.
17 Brethren, join in following my example, and note those who so walk, as you have us for a pattern.18 For many walk, of whom I have told you often, and now tell you even weeping, that they are the enemies of the cross of Christ:
19 whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame—who set their mind on earthly things.
19 whose end is destruction, whose god is their belly, and whose glory is in their shame—who set their mind on earthly things.
20 For our citizenship is in heaven, from which we also eagerly wait for the Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ, 21 who will transform our lowly body that it may be conformed to His glorious body, according to the working by which He is able even to subdue all things to Himself.
Saturday, 6 April 2013
For I know who I have believed...
In preparing for our Choir concerts which are one week from today, my heart is torn in so many emotions. "Wondrous Love"... will likely be my last musical ministry event on the campus of Prairie Bible Institute.
This place that I came to really know who God is and who I am being molded to be by His hands has been a place that has caused great joy, peace, brokenness (good and bad), healing, and so much more. I never imagined that when I arrived on this campus 11 years ago, I would be leaving with such mixed emotion.
I've moved 17 times in 11 years and no move has been filled with more exhaustive emotions as this one and it's all I can do to stay focused on the tasks at hand... The majority of the moving is done, Bradley has passed with flying colours his testing for his new position, the end of the school year is upon us and in 22 days I will be able to sleep in my own bed with my best friend at my side once again...
I am grieving dreams of arts and ministry and the beautiful relationships with "my kids" (my students). I am terrified of the unknown. I am thrilled to be rid of the horrible gossip that comes with a small town full of people with not enough to do. I am excited to finally have the chance to live life with my husband after months of being apart. I am scared at the same time to fail miserably as his wife and best friend as we start a fresh in that rented out humble home that is exactly all we need.
Despite my under normal circumstances secure and confident person, I am human and fall privy to the untruths that life and brokenness have thrown our way. I've spent the past while speaking to "my kids" about this Wondrous Love of the God we serve. How many times have I said to them that just as God leads us away from my position teaching them, He has great plans that are not all about me.
They are watching, they see what is being said and how we are being treated. They are wise. Young but their eyes are not blind. They have been to me Gods Hands and Feet as they see the truth of who God has created Bradley and I to be. By His Grace and His grace alone.
They have loved us, worked hard to fulfil the dreams of keeping music and arts alive on the campus under my direction, and I know they are praying for God to bring them someone who is hopefully even more crazy passionate about them first and the program second than I am.
So tonight as I struggle with high emotions caused by stresses that I have no power over, I turn to "my" passage of Scripture... The one I have turned to for years when I need to be reminded of His great love for me...
I know who I have believed and as I prepare to join my husband I know we have waited, prayed and are following His leading with our heads high and our knees bent before the One who is Love!
Romans 8
(biblegateway.com NKJV)
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. 8 So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
9 But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. 10 And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.
14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.
26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us[b] with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
33 Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.
34 Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written:
This place that I came to really know who God is and who I am being molded to be by His hands has been a place that has caused great joy, peace, brokenness (good and bad), healing, and so much more. I never imagined that when I arrived on this campus 11 years ago, I would be leaving with such mixed emotion.
I've moved 17 times in 11 years and no move has been filled with more exhaustive emotions as this one and it's all I can do to stay focused on the tasks at hand... The majority of the moving is done, Bradley has passed with flying colours his testing for his new position, the end of the school year is upon us and in 22 days I will be able to sleep in my own bed with my best friend at my side once again...
I am grieving dreams of arts and ministry and the beautiful relationships with "my kids" (my students). I am terrified of the unknown. I am thrilled to be rid of the horrible gossip that comes with a small town full of people with not enough to do. I am excited to finally have the chance to live life with my husband after months of being apart. I am scared at the same time to fail miserably as his wife and best friend as we start a fresh in that rented out humble home that is exactly all we need.
Despite my under normal circumstances secure and confident person, I am human and fall privy to the untruths that life and brokenness have thrown our way. I've spent the past while speaking to "my kids" about this Wondrous Love of the God we serve. How many times have I said to them that just as God leads us away from my position teaching them, He has great plans that are not all about me.
They are watching, they see what is being said and how we are being treated. They are wise. Young but their eyes are not blind. They have been to me Gods Hands and Feet as they see the truth of who God has created Bradley and I to be. By His Grace and His grace alone.
They have loved us, worked hard to fulfil the dreams of keeping music and arts alive on the campus under my direction, and I know they are praying for God to bring them someone who is hopefully even more crazy passionate about them first and the program second than I am.
So tonight as I struggle with high emotions caused by stresses that I have no power over, I turn to "my" passage of Scripture... The one I have turned to for years when I need to be reminded of His great love for me...
I know who I have believed and as I prepare to join my husband I know we have waited, prayed and are following His leading with our heads high and our knees bent before the One who is Love!
Romans 8
(biblegateway.com NKJV)
There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit. 2 For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death. 3 For what the law could not do in that it was weak through the flesh, God did by sending His own Son in the likeness of sinful flesh, on account of sin: He condemned sin in the flesh, 4 that the righteous requirement of the law might be fulfilled in us who do not walk according to the flesh but according to the Spirit. 5 For those who live according to the flesh set their minds on the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the Spirit, the things of the Spirit. 6 For to be carnally minded is death, but to be spiritually minded is life and peace. 7 Because the carnal mind is enmity against God; for it is not subject to the law of God, nor indeed can be. 8 So then, those who are in the flesh cannot please God.
9 But you are not in the flesh but in the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God dwells in you. Now if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, he is not His. 10 And if Christ is in you, the body is dead because of sin, but the Spirit is life because of righteousness. 11 But if the Spirit of Him who raised Jesus from the dead dwells in you, He who raised Christ from the dead will also give life to your mortal bodies through His Spirit who dwells in you.
Sonship Through the Spirit
12 Therefore, brethren, we are debtors—not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh. 13 For if you live according to the flesh you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live.14 For as many as are led by the Spirit of God, these are sons of God. 15 For you did not receive the spirit of bondage again to fear, but you received the Spirit of adoption by whom we cry out, “Abba, Father.” 16 The Spirit Himself bears witness with our spirit that we are children of God, 17 and if children, then heirs—heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together.
From Suffering to Glory
18 For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us. 19 For the earnest expectation of the creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God. 20 For the creation was subjected to futility, not willingly, but because of Him who subjected it in hope; 21 because the creation itself also will be delivered from the bondage of corruption into the glorious liberty of the children of God. 22 For we know that the whole creation groans and labors with birth pangs together until now. 23 Not only that, but we also who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, even we ourselves groan within ourselves, eagerly waiting for the adoption, the redemption of our body. 24 For we were saved in this hope, but hope that is seen is not hope; for why does one still hope for what he sees? 25 But if we hope for what we do not see, we eagerly wait for it with perseverance.26 Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us[b] with groanings which cannot be uttered. 27 Now He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He makes intercession for the saints according to the will of God.
28 And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose. 29 For whom He foreknew, He also predestined to be conformed to the image of His Son, that He might be the firstborn among many brethren. 30 Moreover whom He predestined, these He also called; whom He called, these He also justified; and whom He justified, these He also glorified.
God’s Everlasting Love
31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us? 32 He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things?33 Who shall bring a charge against God’s elect? It is God who justifies.
34 Who is he who condemns? It is Christ who died, and furthermore is also risen, who is even at the right hand of God, who also makes intercession for us.
35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? 36 As it is written:
“For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”[c]
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”[c]
37 Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. 38 For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, 39 nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.
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