Sort of Day...

Is it just me or do you have those days when you just want to run away from it all? Leave each of them to their own demise because it's just not worth it? and live in the quiet heart of the mountains until He returns to make all things new?

I do.

and today is one of those days.

It just doesn't seem to matter how you look at it, nothing I do or say is going to change anything. I have spent my entire adult life working through the fears of imperfection that was instilled in me at such a young age. Slowly, over the past 9 years, I have learnt to become confident in the skin God gave me and I've actually found myself excited to work hard for my Abba God rather than trying to be perfect for the one who I still hardly know and the ones who think they know me.

I take pride in the precious lives that trust my teaching in the studio as they grow in the Lord and become more confident in who He has created them to be. I take pride in doing my job well even if it's scrubbing ovens that haven't been cleaned in years. I am ever so passionate about the beauty He has given us to through the voices that follow the leading of my hands. I care deeply about the people I interact with day to day in my work even if I have to be firm to get the job done from time to time. I love my husband more each day and have even begun to learn to take joy in rubbing his aching feet when mine ache the same. And although I am far from perfect, I am exactly who I need to be in my Father's eyes because it's Him who I live for.

Does this mean that I am strong enough to take the non-physical beating that I and each one of us has found ourselves oppressed by at one point in time or another? Not in the least. I am not able.

Today is one of those days that I could just pack up and go.
But I won't.
I can't.

If I did, what would be accomplished?

I wouldn't learn that His strength is made perfect in my weakness. I wouldn't learn what it is to take what I have in my own weakness succumbed to giving - the ill tasting seed of uneducated judgement. I wouldn't learn the value of taking that moment to breath deeply in order to speak the gentle words that turn wrath.

So what do I do with it? What do I do when I get to feeling like it's that sort of day? The sort of day when I feel completely helpless to the cruelties that all of humanity has dealt with in one way, shape or form? I give myself the freedom to dream of that place which I find peace and then remind myself that it's not about me. It's not about you. It's not even about the place that I work or any other ministry under the sun.

It's about Him and I realise it's a day filled with His presence is the sort of day I am truly craving. It's about Him working in and through you and me for His glory.

I am reminded in this moment that I do not need to bother with fretting about how people perceive me. It really doesn't matter because those people stand in their own way just as much as I do at times.

I know who He is.

I know He is Love. 

and I know that He is working to mold this imperfect ball of clay. I trust this Truth with all that I have been, am now and will be in the future. I know that on these sorts of days, when I am not, He is able.

Romans 8:38-39For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.