Monologue from a student...

This monologue was written by one of my students, Elizabeth Peters, who perfectly depicts the story and emotion that will be shared by the choir I conduct here on April 13th... Wondrous Love! Thank you Elizabeth for giving permission to share this script, one that captures my own searching heart of humanity and response to sin!

David: the man after God’s own heart

Failure!!!  I try, and I try, and still I stumble, time and again. 
This should not happen, not to me.  I am a king, a leader of men, responsible before God for my people.  If anyone needs to have it put together, that should be me.  Why is it so difficult?  It is maddening, frustrating, and so discouraging to fall again, just when you thought you had it right. 

            From the time I was a small boy I have searched after God.  My heart has cried out for him all my life.  It’s not easy growing up as the Lord’s anointed, with the expectation to behave perfectly, the responsibility on your shoulders.  But God was with me, and for years I walked so confidently.  I knew my God and I knew He wouldn’t let me down.  But then I became complacent.

            It wasn’t so bad at first, a little slip, a stumble now and again.  It’s easy to rectify those mistakes.  Then those small things become bigger things.  I praise God with my lips then go out and deny Him by my actions.  How could he save a wretch like me?  But He does.  I am astounded every time, but He saves me from myself and sets my feet on the rock once more.  But every time it’s harder to get back up.  Yes, I can struggle to my feet, but it feels like I spend most of my life flat on my face in the dust.  And every time, without fail, someone is there to witness my brokenness.  People begin to lose faith in my ability to lead.  It is a vicious cycle of doubt, trusting my own ability, and failing.  Those who talk only see my failure.  They don’t see me crying out to God, begging Him for help.  They don’t understand what it is to experience His forgiveness.  He does forgive; He will never forsake me.

But it’s all head knowledge.  I can think it and say it, but still my wandering heart doubts.  At what point will I truly begin to believe the things I say?  If I really believed it, I wouldn’t fall so often.  But here I am, on my knees again.  I have fallen in sin and now I fall
before God. 

           Search me, O God, and find my weaknesses. 
I know you can, and you will. 
Have you ever failed me? 
No, not once, despite how often I fail you. 

You love has never wavered.  You never weaken.  I try, and I
try, and you never desert me.  I’m facedown here, God. 

My heart is heavy within me.  Can you see my tears, tears of

anguish.  I failed miserably, and this time I don’t know if
there is any way to make it right.  I’m done, God.  I can’t do

this anymore.  Where else can I go?  There is nowhere to

turn but to you.