His Faithfulness.
There it is again...
I've spent countless hours working numerous jobs recently to make ends meet along with trying to fit in all my planning for our Choir program... We perform this weekend and my heart still wrestles with scripture and vision and just what is interpreted correctly. My "kids" are so patient and eager to learn and I know there are co-workers amid that think I am inadequate.
People in this community who think I shouldn't be in spiritual leadership of the kind I am in. Working with young people who are impressionable. Obviously chooseing to marry someone who is open about his past life is a worse sinner than those who run the church and hide thier sins of judgement and condemnation. Maybe even worse, they don't hide it and yet get away with it because we wouldn't dare call them out on how they've treated those of us who are "beneath" them in the scale of sin.
My husband and I walk confidently in the knowledge that our God is our Savior. He has forgiven and whether people want to let it go themselves, is not our problem. Even still, I am human and there is only so much slander and malicious gossip from "friends" and people who think they know you but really only know what has been said about you along with hurtful words from those who are in authority over you either in the workplace or in the church that one can be afforded before a person questions. (This leads to another subject that was impressed on my heart about the Church and how we ought not to give up on it because again, it's not about the people who run the church... I will blog about that at a later date)
I know very well in my head that I do not need to justify my life or choices because I know where my heart lies and it's with my Jesus... He speaks to my spirit and leads my life as I seek after Him. But there are times, in my humanity that I do doubt myself and my God and think I am inadequate.
I found myself challenged at one of my places of work this week and a young mother who I have known for years came right out in earnest seeking and asking "Why?" Why is it that I believe what I believe, terrified of the end time as she was raised Catholic and has been reading through revelations... What makes my faith different from all other religions of the world? and I stumbled, I wasn't prepared, I haven't had to be prepared for a long time in this place of self righteousness. My words I fear were inadequate.
The past two years I've face more false accusations and emotional trauma caused by the brokenness of others. I've wrestled with choices loved ones make and the attitudes and judgement of other loved ones... I've struggled with my husband. Oh I love him with all my heart but we struggle and how I've chosen to respond to all of these situations has often been inadequate...
Who am I kidding?
On this earth - I am never going to be adequate.
I am never going to be able to live up to the expectations of people around me let alone the expectations of my own self as I explore HIS Word and try to reflect it in my choices.
I can't do it.
And I don't have to.
Because it's about His faithfulness... His love for us.
Isn't that what Scripture talks about when it is said
"For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God, not by works, so that no one can boast." Ephesians 2:8-9...
"For GOD so LOVED the world that
He gave His one and only Son" ...
to die on the cross as the only pure sacrificial Lamb fulfilling the Old Testament prophecy as our High Priest
..."so that WHO EVER believes in Him
will not perish but have everlasting life"
John 3:16
His faithfulness does not mean that we will live without suffering... Grateful for my freedom in this world, I fear that we become complacent in our faith because of it.
We say that we can find our refuge in life if we are good enough, make enough money, hang out with the proper people... It's not about that. It's about HIM. The end times will come and depending on your interpretation we may be called to experience death on this earth in ways that seem unfathomable...
But how will we choose to respond...
Will we choose to realise that its about His faithfulness? That He who began a good work in us will fulfil it when we meet Him in glory?
I want to choose life in Christ... I choose to believe that there is nothing I can do to be good enough because that would defeat Christs death and Resurrection to make a way. Its very clear when Jesus states in John 14:6, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me"...
I know all of this in my heart but sometimes we need to be reminded; to be sharpened so that we are prepared with an answer. Just because the race of this life may seem long and our bodies begin to ache from the painful burn of what ever situation you have or are experiencing, as we push forward we know...
He is faithful.
"...let us lay aside every weight,
and the sin which so easily ensnares us,
and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us,
looking unto Jesus, t
he author and finisher of our faith,
who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross,
despising the shame,
and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God."
Hebrews 12:1-2
I am not really sure of what you have been dealing with in the church or from work, but I understand the sentiment in this post. Due to some people from the church, I assume the same one you're talking about, I ran away from the church and God as fast as I could as soon as I graduated from high school. Because of the wounds inflicted on me, all emotional and nothing physical mind you, it took me a very long time to get to the point where I believe in God and the church again.. The judgement..the looks..the holier than thou additude.. To a bruised and broken child, it was the last straw that nearly destroyed my life and part of the reason my childhood is filled with so many emotional landmines. I am praying for you, Jess, and I hope that you find the healing God brought to me after so many years. I don't know what is going on with you, but God loves you very much!
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